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©What Lies Beneath by Sapana Adhikari Spring 2020 Intima A Journal of Narrative Medicine
As I lay on the table while the doctor poked and prodded inside my breast, clipping the lump inside me like flower stems, I imagined what the thing might look–what, exactly, lay beneath, and if it had a name.
Read moreGoing to Vietnam was a formative time of my life–and also a reminder I am not entirely of that place. I am distance, and culture and language apart. Doing a medical elective in Saigon was a paradox: both familiar and foreign.
Read moreHow do clinicians carry on their vital work without bearing the grief of patients and their families, yet still comfort them?
Read moreA state of flux. The COVID-19 pandemic has induced a state of “How will I react to _____?” Listlessness and emotional exhaustion bring about feelings of isolation and longing to be somewhere we are not. Yet, in learning to modify behaviors, collaborations have emerged.
In the opening couplet to Sheila Kelly’s poem entitled “Breathe” (Fall 2017 Intima). she sets the stage and introduces a poignant metaphor, depicting calmness, yet incertitude.
You are floating in the swimming pool again.
Your childhood best friend rises like prayer.
“Breathe” was penned well before the current pandemic, yet the feelings of serenity and safety one day, and panic the next, expressed are relevant today. Using a second-person narrative, she paints a vivid picture of a disjointed home life, sifting through old, painful memories. In the poem, the main character is catapulting between chaos and “floating in the swimming pool.” At the end, I interpret a sense of adaptation from the character that leaves a residue of hope.
In my essay “Turbulent Undertow” (Fall 2020 Intima), parallel feelings are grappled with, as I describe a surfing attempt, and later, my experience as a hospitalist scribe. Woven together, I write about two near-drowning experiences: on surfing and on caring for patients with COVID-19. The best friend in Sheila Kelly’s poem encourages the main character to put on her old swimsuit when distressed. After a long series of days working with the hospitalist, I, too, wanted to offer solace. But instead, all I could offer was “Glad you’re okay,” a phrase that has reverberated through my brain ever since I first heard it myself.
Riding metaphorical surfboards together and finding ways to float in metaphorical swimming pools may not be the best solution to curb the emotional toll of the pandemic. However, validation and shared human connection serve as two ways to avoid possible drowning amidst the pandemic waves.
Mikayla Brockmeyer
Mikayla Brockmeyer is a first year osteopathic medical student at Des Moines University in Des Moines, Iowa. She began working as a hospitalist scribe in 2018, while she was enrolled in the Master of Science in Biomedical Sciences program at Des Moines University. She successfully defended her thesis in 2019 and spent her gap year scribing full time. This is her first time showcasing her storytelling abilities in a public arena. Her non-fiction essay “Turbulent Undertow” appears in the Fall 2020 Intima.
© Differential Diagnosis by Yan Emily Yuan Spring 2020 Intima A Journal of Narrative Medicine
Accurate differential diagnosis can save a life. By being able to determine clearly how one outlying factor or the combination of a group of signs and symptoms tips the scale to the correct pattern confirmation and treatment, our lives can be shaped, saved and lost in this qualifying lens of time. It’s integral to the practice of medicine, but also in many ways to how we make decisions in life. A positive or negative result, a clustering of symptoms, the ticked boxes and specimen samples that can reveal so much as to how we define our experiences of life and are able to move forward.
Read moreIn these troubled times of sickness and loss, of protest and division, it’s uplifting to read about positive actions, such as those I took for a dying friend, which I describe in my piece “To Melinda” (Fall 2020 Intima). Two other works in the Fall 2020 Intima also describe small positive acts that make a difference in people’s lives. Reading them eases our sense of helplessness by offering us hope.
Read moreIn the most neurotic days of the pandemic, I return home from my contaminated workplace, and sincerely offer my wife solace . . . in the form of a big fat lie. On another day, I confide in her the loss of a colleague . . . and wound her with the facts.
Read moreEmpathy and compassion arise from sensitizing events, often many. Sometimes it’s easier than others to track those events to their origins. Patient Jane provided student-doctor Brian Sou with one such activating event. (Field Notes “A Student’s Moment in NYC’s Most Famous Hospital”) In their first encounter, Sou writes “I did not manage to comfort Jane in her moment of vulnerability, when she needed someone to do so the most. I was so interested in the medical aspect of curing that I completely neglected the compassionate side of healing.”
Read moreThe poem compelled us to face the magnitude of ways in which our systems have been designed by white people for white people. It especially highlights the workings of a system that rewards Black people for separating themselves from their own communities; the classic effect of forced assimilation. The poem illustrated to us that structural racism demands so much of Black people—not only to work ten times harder than their white counterparts in order to be seen, but also to separate themselves to gain a moderate level of success and recognition. And yet, as our group considered, was the hard won success all it purported to be?
Read moreThe intimacy of touch is deeply rooted in vulnerability, and COVID-19 is reminding us that this vulnerability is biological as well as emotional. For Dr. Vlasic, touch was an act of trust, but nowadays trust seems best measured by how far apart we stand and how carefully we obscure the lower half of our faces.
Read moreA suicide attempt. A Syrian teenager. A team of American psychiatrists whose training suggests he is out of the woods. But, to Dr. Ibrahim Sablaban, something does not sit right. The son of Arab refugees, Dr. Sablaban sees hidden red flags in the teenager’s story.
“When Suicide Speaks Arabic” (Fall 2020 Intima: A Journal of Narrative Medicine) is a story of quiet compassion. It is a story of intuition born from upbringing—of a physician who sees a slice of himself in a patient who is in need of understanding.
It is also, at its core, a story about cultural representation. Dr. Sablaban instantly connects with his young patient by speaking in Arabic (citing that he had “already heard [the] story in English, and from [his] experience, it could be a distant language”). He is able to parse out the boy’s feelings of shame and sinfulness by referring to his own understanding of the Islamic faith. This was not at all the patient he had heard of earlier during rounds; this “was a tragedy waiting to happen.”
Dr. Sablaban’s story of connecting with and ultimately facilitating better treatment for this young Syrian boy can be viewed as a stroke of luck—a happy encounter and a happy ending. But he ends his piece with a striking sentence: “I can’t help but feel like it was more a story about failure than success.”
And it could be made out to be that way. Many knowledgeable and experienced physicians spoke to the patient before Dr. Sablaban did. Yet, it was his cultural knowledge, not his medical knowledge, that ultimately helped this boy.
Some sobering statistics: 0.4% of US medical doctors are Hispanic, while Hispanic individuals make up 17% of the American population.1 4% of US medical doctors are African American, while African American individuals make up 13% of the American population.1 Similar statistics hold for the majority of minority groups throughout the country. This lack of racial representation in medicine is widely cited, and efforts (albeit small ones) are underway to address it.2
Dr. Sablaban’s story, however, is about more than racial representation. Race is not equivalent to a language. Or a culture. Or religion. Race is not at all encompassing, and racial representation would not have been enough to fully address this teenager’s needs. Perhaps, then, there must be an adjustment to the discussion about diversity in medicine—about the need for physicians who “look” (i.e., race and gender) more like the population they are serving.
Perhaps the need is for physicians who simply are more like the populations they serve—who speak the languages, practice the religions, and have had the experiences that their patients face every day.
References
1. Sullivan, Louis W. Missing persons: minorities in the health professions, a report of the Sullivan Commission on Diversity in the Healthcare Workforce. 2004.
2. Cohen, Jordan J., Barbara A. Gabriel, and Charles Terrell. "The case for diversity in the health care workforce." Health affairs 21.5 (2002): 90-102.
Sunidhi Ramesh is an MD Candidate at Sidney Kimmel Medical College at Thomas Jefferson University. She graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Emory University in 2018 with degrees in sociology and neuroscience and is the managing editor of "The Neuroethics Blog." She has also served as the education co-director for the Philadelphia Human Rights Clinic. Ramesh’s writing has been featured in Stroke and Vascular Neurology, Retina Today, and the American Journal of Neuroradiology. She authored the Winning Essay in the 2019 International Neuroethics Society Essay Competition and has written chapters on neuroethics and neurotechnology in various textbooks. Ramesh works on research spanning neurology and neurosurgery, particularly focused on perceptions of invasive brain surgery, intra-arterial chemotherapy, and the implementation of tele-stroke protocols in hospital emergency rooms. Her non-fiction essay “3:43 AM” appears in the Fall 2020 Intima. @sunidhiramesh