Working as an inpatient hematology-oncology nurse, I often see patients stay for months at a time as they traverse the complicated paths of cancer treatment. One of the privileges my job offers is the ability to meet family members and friends who support my oncology patients both in and out of a hospital setting. We learn to comfort them, cry with them, share joy with them, and sometimes even grieve with them.
I thought of that while reading “Machinery” by Sean Murphy (Spring 2017 Intima). In it I was able to witness the complex process of supporting a loved one through a cancer diagnosis. While at times the piece conveys difficulty coping, it also shows the bravery required when faced with situations nobody can prepare someone for. The fear accompanying this role was, as Sean said, “like cancer, metastasizing through my family, its tentacles reaching out to ensnare each of us if it could.”
When I wrote my poem, “Primum Non Nocere” (Spring 2021 Intima) as a nursing student, the experience documented was one of the first times I considered a patient’s family member as part of the immediate care team. I couldn’t stop thinking of my patient’s nephew—who loved her so deeply, who ran to her after school, who needed her in his life. I considered my patient’s own well-being, and how much worse her diagnosis must have felt knowing it would impact the ones who loved her unconditionally.
After reading Sean’s beautiful piece, I took a moment to look back on what support has looked like not only for my patients, but for their loved ones as well. Unfortunately, I’ve seen family members and friends fall ill with stress, stop eating regularly, and get very little sleep in the midst of their caretaking. While we often consider compassion fatigue to be related to healthcare workers, a patient’s own loved ones are often overlooked in this discussion, and are at high risk for burnout.
Many of us have been taught from a young age that to love means to sacrifice as much as possible - whether that be time, energy, money or even our own comfort. However, I think there can, and should be, a balance. Compassion does not lessen, and devotion does not go unnoticed, if we need some help while helping others. Caregivers deserve patience, gratitude and comfort just as much as those they support. As healthcare providers, we all could use a reminder to advocate for these irreplaceable members of a patient’s team.
Nina Solis
Photo by Sara Joan
Nina Solis is a hematology-oncology and Covid-19 RN and emerging writer based in Philadelphia, PA. She graduated from the University of Pennsylvania as a first generation college student in 2018. She enjoys running, playing guitar, and genuine human connection (at least 6-feet apart). Her recently published work can be found in Literary Hub and Intima.