Virginia Chang, PhD, is a certified end-of-life doula and founder of Till The Last.
In “Looking Through the Album” (Intima, Fall 2018), Martha Nance pays homage to four patients encountered during her practice as a neurology specialist. Two of the patients die unexpectedly. Nance describes feeling bewildered and stunned and wonders how her patients faced death. Were they prepared or did they feel alone and afraid? She questions her role as physician and whether she did everything possible for them.
However, there are two other patients whose deaths are expected, even planned. Nance knows that this will be her last time with the dying and/or the family. And in this knowledge, she recalls her last interactions with them in vivid detail and amazing clarity. Yet, it is not clear that the author was afforded more comfort in their deaths even when she knew they were coming.
In my piece “A Body in Motion” (Intima, Spring 2022), I did not get the chance to say goodbye to my friend before he died of COVID-19. Nor did his mother, family, and other friends. I vaguely recall the last time I was with him and wonder what would I have said or done differently had I known it would be the last time. I realize that we are not always afforded the opportunity to say goodbye.
While Nance describes death as difficult, as an end-of-life doula, I have also experienced death as beautiful. It is possible to attain a level of peace and acceptance in the illness journey and level of preparedness—mentally, physically, and spiritually—to face the end of life. While there is no guarantee that a death will be so, and that death can occur at any time—suddenly or planned—you can only prepare.
I too close with three thoughts:
To my patients: Know that your presence in this world has a made difference and touched others, if only me. I carry your words and emotions in the stories you have told, and you will not be forgotten.
To my fellow doulas: Offer your compassionate presence and companionship to those in need of support at end of life, especially those alone, disenfranchised, and underserved. Every person is deserving of equal dignity and respect at death.
And lastly, to my fellow human beings: Be not afraid of death. It is the last, unavoidable celebration of your life. So, embrace it, and you may soon find that living is richer and fuller.
Virginia Chang, PhD, is a certified end-of-life doula and founder of Till The Last. She supports the dying and their families/caregivers to approach end of life in a positive, meaningful, and affirming way. She works as a doula privately and as a hospice and vigil volunteer. She has written essays on death and the doula work which have appeared in Scientific American and has been featured in the media, such as CNN, AARP, and MIT News. She is on faculty as an Instructor for the University of Vermont Larner College of Medicine End-of-Life Doula Professional Certificate Program and is passionate about increasing awareness of end of life, self-care, and bioethics. Chang lives and works in New York City, and can be found at tillthelastdoula.com.