Andrew Kingston is a nurse who currently specializes in pediatric/adolescent psychiatry.
For most people, sharing your day at work is just a bit of gossip with your romantic partner to decompress after a shift. “The Resident” (Intima, Spring 2023) by Humaira Khan shows why this is not the case when you care for patients in a hospital. Care providers have tragic stories, disgusting stories, and gory stories. And we collect new stories every day.
Health care professionals quickly realize that the burdens of their job are not well tolerated by others. Once enough family and friends tell you that they want you to stop the story, the first story, the very bottom of the hierarchy of trauma you experienced, you realize no one is ready. “The Resident” by Khan shows this isolation. We hide our work lives from loved ones because they tell us to and because it will not lead anywhere. Others probably do not even realize they are telling us to hide our lives. They may think that they and they alone cannot tolerate a certain story. They do not realize that everyone is telling us to stop, no matter which work story we are telling.
As a COVID nurse, everyone wanted to hear how I was doing, but it turned out no one wanted to hear what I was doing. I quickly realized I could not share the stories that had affected me during the day. After every shift, I had something new I could not share with anyone except those who went through it with me.
We become the job. We work overtime. We work longer shifts. We invest ourselves in the people we work with because they are the only ones who understand. We know coworkers need our support just like we need theirs. We shun our relationships outside of work because we know that they do not need us like our coworkers need us. We save lives, together. We watch people die, together. We want to get out of the hospital more than anything, but we slowly realize the hospital has the only people who understand.
Do not take the job home with you. I have heard this advice given often and everywhere. It’s not wrong. It’s just painful. Our loved ones pick up on the change. They tell us we’re cold, or our humor has gotten darker. They just never want to hear why.
Andrew Kingston is a nurse who currently specializes in pediatric/adolescent psychiatry. Kingston started working as a nurse in March of 2020. His inpatient unit became a Covid-19 unit before the first wave. TW: Androski007. IG: droskikingston.